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All men are seeking out one thing and one thing only in a partner: someone to watch sports with.
But as we all know, it is biologically impossible for a woman to enjoy sports. Oh no! Looks like you’re going to have to force yourself to feign interest in sports for the sake of making a man fall in love with you.
It won’t be easy and you won’t understand what’s happening — your vagina prevents you from being able to tell the difference between football and rugby! — but your man will appreciate it and that’s all that matters.
2. Make your man feel extra manly by having him explain the offside rule to you
Sorry, girls — we know you love Broad City, but if your man doesn’t like it, it’s got to go.
Instead, dedicate your free time to becoming acquainted with his favourite TV shows and sports teams. Your man will be so impressed at your complete lack of personal hobbies and interests that it won’t be long before he’s popping the question.
;)
4. To keep your man happy after sex, why not cook him a three-course meal from scratch?
Newsflash, ladies: men bloody hate when you wear clothes and secretly wish you were naked all the time.
In fact, every time you wear a big winter coat, your man is desperately hoping that you’ve planned an elaborate sexy surprise and are wearing nothing underneath it.
The solution? Bin your entire wardrobe immediately with the exception of one single negligée. (For the winter months, you know yourself.)
6. Want to make your man really fall in love with you? Pretend to like scotch or whiskey!
Demonstrate how unlike “the other girls” you are by downing a glass of scotch. This simple gesture will make your man turn to his friends and say, “She’s not like the other girls” and will make him feel like he’s won a prize: you!
7. Pretend not to be able to open a jar… just to give him the thrill of thinking he’s superior to you
Next time, you’re making a sandwich (for him, duh), think twice about opening that jar of mayonnaise.
Instead, pretend that your lady hands are just not up the challenge and ask your man to open it for you. After he’s done, compliment him on his strength and immediately resume making him his sandwich.
8. Surprise him at the end of a looong work day by greeting him at the front door with a six-pack of his favourite cheap lager
Yeah, yeah, you work, too. But let’s be real about it — men are innately more deserving of surprises at the end of a long work day than women. It’s just the way of the world!
And what better way to surprise your man than with an armful of REASONABLY PRICED CANS OF BEER?
Your man will wonder how he got so lucky.
:)
9. Want to really make your man fall head over heels? Make it clear to him that you literally don’t expect anything from him!
Men are so busy being manly men that you can’t possibly expect anything from them.
Sure, it might be nice if your man went to Lidl and did the big shop occasionally, but that would take away from his time spent drinking beer and eating steak.
He’ll love you for not saddling him with boring responsibilities and respect you for being truly selfless.
Saturday 23 November, 2024
Saturday 23 November, 2024
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9 tips* for making a man fall in love with you
TODAY, A PARTICULARLY grim list of “ways to keep your man” is doing the rounds on Twitter.
The list, which was originally published in Glamour, is entitled “13 Little Things That Can Make A Man Fall Hard For You”.
But why not take it one step further?
We decided to take inspiration from Glamour (and all women’s magazines in general) and come up with some tips of our own…
1. Pretend to like sports and watch them with your man!
All men are seeking out one thing and one thing only in a partner: someone to watch sports with.
But as we all know, it is biologically impossible for a woman to enjoy sports. Oh no! Looks like you’re going to have to force yourself to feign interest in sports for the sake of making a man fall in love with you.
It won’t be easy and you won’t understand what’s happening — your vagina prevents you from being able to tell the difference between football and rugby! — but your man will appreciate it and that’s all that matters.
2. Make your man feel extra manly by having him explain the offside rule to you
But don’t ask him to explain it too many times.
It’s one thing to make your manly man feel smart and masculine, but you don’t want to irritate him now, do you?
3. In fact, just abandon all your own interests altogether!
Sorry, girls — we know you love Broad City, but if your man doesn’t like it, it’s got to go.
Instead, dedicate your free time to becoming acquainted with his favourite TV shows and sports teams. Your man will be so impressed at your complete lack of personal hobbies and interests that it won’t be long before he’s popping the question.
;)
4. To keep your man happy after sex, why not cook him a three-course meal from scratch?
If you ask any men what he feels like after sex, the response is almost guaranteed to be, “A really big dinner!”
Sure, it might be time-consuming and arduous for you, but trust us: if you want to make a man fall in love with you, it’s the only way.
5. Just stop wearing clothes altogether
Newsflash, ladies: men bloody hate when you wear clothes and secretly wish you were naked all the time.
In fact, every time you wear a big winter coat, your man is desperately hoping that you’ve planned an elaborate sexy surprise and are wearing nothing underneath it.
The solution? Bin your entire wardrobe immediately with the exception of one single negligée. (For the winter months, you know yourself.)
6. Want to make your man really fall in love with you? Pretend to like scotch or whiskey!
Men like girls who “aren’t like other girls”.
Demonstrate how unlike “the other girls” you are by downing a glass of scotch. This simple gesture will make your man turn to his friends and say, “She’s not like the other girls” and will make him feel like he’s won a prize: you!
7. Pretend not to be able to open a jar… just to give him the thrill of thinking he’s superior to you
Next time, you’re making a sandwich (for him, duh), think twice about opening that jar of mayonnaise.
Instead, pretend that your lady hands are just not up the challenge and ask your man to open it for you. After he’s done, compliment him on his strength and immediately resume making him his sandwich.
8. Surprise him at the end of a looong work day by greeting him at the front door with a six-pack of his favourite cheap lager
Yeah, yeah, you work, too. But let’s be real about it — men are innately more deserving of surprises at the end of a long work day than women. It’s just the way of the world!
And what better way to surprise your man than with an armful of REASONABLY PRICED CANS OF BEER?
Your man will wonder how he got so lucky.
:)
9. Want to really make your man fall head over heels? Make it clear to him that you literally don’t expect anything from him!
Men are so busy being manly men that you can’t possibly expect anything from them.
Sure, it might be nice if your man went to Lidl and did the big shop occasionally, but that would take away from his time spent drinking beer and eating steak.
He’ll love you for not saddling him with boring responsibilities and respect you for being truly selfless.
And isn’t that what falling in love is all about?
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